Welcome to the Best Happy Hour the East Coast!
Hey everyone! Once again, sorry for the long gap between posts. As per usual, I’m the worst.
Recently my roommates and I went out for happy hour and as we tend to do… started discussing our love lives. There have been many ups and downs for all of us. Life is a real fucking roller coaster, isn’t it? Even though there have been some rough times, others have been a fucking blast. So in an effort to embrace our positivity and the fact that each person who comes into your life shapes your life experience, we decided to toast to all the guys and gals who have come into our lives lately. (And I mean, let’s be honest, it was happy hour and we love cheers-ing.)
So we toasted, and we toasted, we toasted a lot. A lot. We toasted:
To the ones who brought Porter Robinson back into our lives.| Hope to listen with you again.
To the ones who promised to never ghost us…and then did just that.| 1. Fuck you. 2. Text me when you break up with your ex again.
To the ones who dropped the word “girlfriend” way too early.| No. Just no….but we can still hook-up if you want…
To the ones who moved to Florida.| Good riddance. Get out of my state and out of my brain.
To the boys who flirted with us even though you had girlfriends.| It’s fucked up that I wish you weren’t in a relationship, right? But I’d fuck the shit out of you if you were single.
To the ones who refuse to double text.| Grow the fuck up.
And to the ones who always double text.| Chill the fuck out and get off my jock.
To the ones who text us for late night booty calls.| Umm, excuse me? We are the ones who booty call….But yes you can come over.
To the ones we use for date-working.| Thanks for negotiating us a house.
To those who taught us about lox.| There are better bagels and better men out there. Ones that can make decisions.
To the ones we forget even existed after deleting you from our phones and our lives.| I hope you’re not peeing your pants in bars anymore.
To the ones who talk about your ex on the first date.| Don’t fucking talking about your exes on the first date.
To the ones with whiskey dick…| Sorry for the whiskey vag.
To the ones whom we gave some kick-ass oral.| You’re welcome.
To the ones who call us players because we live with the members of the opposite sex.| This isn’t a brothel. Who do you think I am? What do you think this is? What do you mean you can’t talk to me until I move out?…..But, I’ll text you when I move out.
To the ones who leave quickly after sex.| Some of us say thanks…some of us immediately complain to the other roommates that you bounced out of here so fast.
And finally, to those whom we still can’t move on from.| Fuck you…but also call me.
Cheers to all the life experiences each and every one of you has brought us. Thanks for the fun memories and endless discussion you have brought into our lives. We hope to hear from some of you again soon.
And we hope to never hear from others of you…ever, because you can go fuck yourselves. Jk, live well.
Xoxo- The Trio.